Bumper Stickers (not to be taken seriously)

 

Some new bumper stickers
seen recently.

  Some people are only alive
because it is illegal to shoot them

I used to have a handle on life,
but it broke.

WANTED:
Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER:
It's not just
for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...
Isn't that cute.

I need someone real bad...   
Are you real bad?

BEAUTY is in the eye
of the beer holder.

All men are idiots...
and I married their king.

The more you complain,
the longer God makes you live.

I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice):
We've got what it takes
to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. 
Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch
for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...
Back in five minutes.

As long as there are tests,
there will be prayer
in public schools.

Hang up and drive.

I want to die peacefully
n my sleep like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling
like the passengers in his car.

NEBRASKA:
At least the cows are sane.

God must love stupid people...
He made SO many.

I said "NO" to drugs,
but they didn't listen.

Your kid may be an Honor Student,
but YOU'RE still an idiot.

Smile, it's the second best thing
you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test
and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...
I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top,
but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...
You might hit a bump
and spill your drink.

Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think,
and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.

HONK
If You Want To See My Finger

Who lit the fuse
on your tampon?

God is my co-pilot,
but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill.
I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch.
Men like you made me this way.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation
isn't sohot, either!

Who were the testers
for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll.
Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple.
The other two,
it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST!
We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

If you drink, don't park.
Accidents cause people.

If you can read this
I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales!
Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over
when the First Lady sings.

Jack Kevorkian
for White House physician.

My wife keeps complaining
I never listen to her ...
or something like that.

Sure you can trust the government!
Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. 
Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat,
I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. 
Don't re-elect them