Why our country is in trouble

Why our country is in trouble!

A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some
examples of why our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an
aisle seat so  that her hair wouldn't get messed up by
being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who
wanted to go to
Capetown. I started to Explain the length of the
flight and the passport information, then she
interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look
stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."
Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly
explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is
in Africa."Her response -
click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about
a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with
the vacation in
Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.
I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando
is in the middle of the state.
He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and
Florida is a very thin state!" (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is
it possible
to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said,
"But they look
so close on the map." (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked
if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the
reservation, I noticed
he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas.
When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he
said, "I heard
Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to
drive between gates to save time." (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She
needed to know how it was possible that her flight
from Detroit left at8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33
am.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of
Illinois, but she
couldn't understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she
bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines
put your
physical description on your bag so they know whose
luggage
belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?"
She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the
airline, they put a
tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm
overweight. I think
that's very rude!"
After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked
into it (I
was laughing). I came back and explained the city
code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal),
and the airline was just putting a destination tag on
her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip
package to
Hawaii. After going over ! all the cost info, she
asked, "Would it
be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the
train to  Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman
Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to
get on?"
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none
of these planes have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola,
Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little
computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to
Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane.
She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about
the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion
about passports, I reminded him that he needed a
visa.
"Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and
never had to
have one of those."
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a
visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been
to China four times and
every time they have accepted my American Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make
reservations, "I want
to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York."
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you
sure that's
the name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady.
After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry,
ma'am, I've
looked up every airport code in the country and can't
find a Rhino anywhere."
The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone
knows where it
is. Check your map!"
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and
finally offered,
"You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply?
"Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that
it's in!

Look around you

A very special teacher in high school many years ago had a husband who unexpectedly died suddenly of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some of her insight with a classroom of students. As the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows and the class was nearly over, she moved a few things aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there.   With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, "Before class is over, I would like to share with all of you a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important. Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves... and none of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is God's way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day."   Her eyes beginning to water, she went on, "So I would like you all to make me a promise... from now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn't have to be something you see - it could be a scent - perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone's house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground. Please, look for these things, and cherish them.   For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life. The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted. We must make it important to notice them, for at any time ... it can all be taken away."   The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently. That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate all of those things that sometimes we all overlook.   Take notice of something special you see on your lunch hour today. Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off on the way home tonight to get a double dip ice cream cone. For as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do. ~Author Unknown~

 

A miracle of tears

It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth. It was a dry season which would bankrupt several farmers before it was through. Every day, my husband and his brothers would go through the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields. Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we didn't see some rain soon...we would lose everything. It was on this day that I learned the true lesson of sharing and witnessed the only miracle I have seen with my own eyes. I was in the kitchen making lunch for my husband and his brothers when I saw my six-year old son, Billy, walking toward the woods. He wasn't walking with the usual carefree abandon of a youth but with a serious purpose. I could only see his back. He was obviously walking with a great effort...trying to be as still as possible. Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he came running out again, toward the house.     I went back to making sandwiches; thinking that whatever task he had been doing was completed. Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow purposeful stride toward the woods. This activity went on for an hour: walk carefully to the woods, run back to the house. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and I crept out of the house and followed him on his journey (being very careful not to be seen...as he was obviously doing important work and didn't need his Mommy checking up on him). He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked; being very careful not to spill the water he held in them...maybe two or three tablespoons were held in his tiny hands.   I sneaked close as he went into the woods. Branches and thorns slapped his little face by he did not try to avoid them, He had a much higher purpose. As I leaned in to spy on him, I saw the most amazing sight. Several large deer loomed in front of him. Billy walked right up to them. I almost screamed for him to get away. A huge buck with elaborate antlers was dangerously close. But the buck did not threaten him...he didn't even move as Billy knelt down. And I saw a tiny fawn lying on the ground, obviously suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion, lift its head with great effort to lap up the water cupped in my beautiful boy's hand.       When the water was gone, Billy jumped up to run back to the house and I hid behind a tree. I followed him back to the house to a spigot that we had shut off the water to. Billy opened it all the way up and a small trickle began to creep out. He knelt there, letting the drip, drip slowly fill up his makeshift "cup," as the sun beat down on his little back.   And it came clear to me. The trouble he had gotten into for playing with the hose the week before. The lecture he had received about the importance of not wasting water. The reason he didn't ask me to help him. It took almost twenty minutes for the drops to fill his hands. When he stood up and began the trek back, I was there in front of him. His little eyes just filled with tears. "I'm not wasting," was all he said.     As he began his walk, I joined him...with a small pot of water from the kitchen. I let him tend to the fawn. I stayed away. It was his job. I stood on the edge of the woods watching the most beautiful heart I have every known working so hard to save another life. As the tears that rolled down my face began to hit the ground, they were suddenly joined by other drops...more drops...and more. I looked up at the sky. It was as if God, himself, was weeping with pride.   Some will probable say that this was just a huge coincidence. That miracles don't really exist. That it was bound to rain sometime. And I can't argue with that...I'm not going to try. All I can say is that the rain that came that day saved our farm...just like that actions of one little boy saved another.   This is not one of those crazy chain letters...if you don't forward it to anyone, nothing bad will happen to you. If you choose to forward it, you won't receive any riches in the mail. I don't know if anyone will read this...but I had to send it out. To honor the memory of my beautiful Billy, who was taken from me much too soon... But not before showing me the true face of God, in a little sunburned body. ~Author Unknown~

Alabaster Boxes

 

Do not keep the alabaster boxes of your love and tenderness sealed up,
until your friends are dead.

 

Fill their lives with sweetness.

Speak approving, cheering words while their ears can hear them and while their hearts can be thrilled and made happier by them.

 

The kind things you mean to say when they are gone,
say them before they go.

The flowers you mean to send-use to brighten and sweeten their homes before they leave them.

 

If my friends have alabaster boxes laid away,
full of fragrant perfumes of sympathy and affection
I would rather they would bring them out in my weary
and troubled hours and open them,
that I may be refreshed
and cheered when I need them.

 

Let us learn to anoint our friends beforehand.

Post-mortem kindness do not cheer the burdened spirit.

Flowers cast no fragrance backward over the weary way.

~Author Unknown~

New Personal Secretary

A guy walked into his friend's office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?", he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He's bald."

New Definitions

CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of
running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give
the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
`remove' all the germs.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in
the rearview mirror.

EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at
the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the
more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto
the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally
decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open
here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
`illegal' side.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETONIC (peh ton' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front
of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting
the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're
only six inches away.

UCLA test

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No futher studies are expected.