So cute you want to puke -- LOL

Serisously, if you don't find these cute something is wrong with you:

Panda Kindergarten Pictures - Google Image Search

I just got most of these pics in an email.  I am way to lazy to upload and then add them here.  So I just did the search and came up with a page full of them.

So cute:  Google Image Result for http://www.pandafix.com/pandafix/images/2632470.jpg

The 12 Opossums

The 12 Opossums

The more you know, the funnier it is. I laughed until I had tears running down my face! You simply must read these observations on the bible! If the story of Joshua does not make you howl, then you are not alive!


The following is from a lady in Oregon. It is priceless! The Bible explained by kids - truth has been redefined!


One of our favorite jobs has been leading junior church. We try to do more
than Baby-sit our church's beloved little ankle-biters during their time in
our special junior church facility. We aim to give them a solid background
in biblical history. At the end of each year, we give them pencils and paper
and ask them to chronicle what they have learned. This assignment never
fails to elicit some intriguing responses. In case you're a little foggy on
your biblical history, let our junior church students help you with his
complete overview of the Bible, compiled from their essays:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I
think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a
light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and
made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He gave them His top ten commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.


After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

There! Now you understand it.

Forrest Gump goes to Heaven

  The day finally arrived.   Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. 

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said,

"Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. 

We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. 

The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

          Forrest responds,

"It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But, nobody ever told m e about any entrance exam.  I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

       St. Peter continued,

"Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.   

                 First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

                        Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

               Third:

What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.  

He returns th e next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says,

"Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers"

   Forrest replied,

"Well, the first one --

which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"?

Shucks, that one is easy.  

That would be Today and Tomorrow."<FONTCOLOR=BLACK>

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer."

"How about the next one?" asked St. Peter

"How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said,        "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

           Forrest replied,

"Shucks, there's got to be twelve:

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter.

"I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind... but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.  

Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied,

"it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. 

    "I learnt it from the song,

'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 

"Run Forrest, run!"

Attitude

Jim is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!' He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jim was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?' He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood   I choose to be in a good mood.' Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life. 'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested. 'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.' I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wan na see my scars?' I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. 'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.' 'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked He continued, '..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.' 'What did you do?' I asked. 'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said Jim. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.! ' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'.' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.' He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything . Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34. ! After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. You have two choices now: 1. Delete this 2. Forward it to the people you care about. You know the choice I made.